Margaret's Conflict
by Paulina'sHM
Summary: Margaret's going through an internal struggle. Who will win? HM of course :
1. Chapter 1

Hi everyone! I'm back after a VERY long time. Life got hectic and I had no time or inspiration to write. Now I'm in the middle of exam period, so I need to write for all you out there to relax. I hope you like this.

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Margaret didn't want to fall in love. She couldn't. There were so many negatives in the situation. You see, Margaret was very mathematical regarding men, especially after her divorce from 'Donald Duckface'. She couldn't bring herself to fall in love when she thought it was so wrong. 

The man was egotistical, hated the army, a womaniser who could hurt her at anytime – the last was the worst in Margaret's eyes.

On the other hand, her heart told her that when this man found the right woman, he would not lose her for anything.

The conflict was in Margaret's mind and nothing could ease her concerns. Only someone could, but if she asked him to talk he'd know her feelings. Then she would be very vulnerable. Margaret was not vulnerable to anyone. She liked her control.

Margaret sighed at a very important realisation. She was already in love. She had no choice, but she could be smart and not act on it.

There was just one minor problem – Everytime she was near him she couldn't help but want to be with him. She couldn't avoid him. He lived across her tent and they worked the same shift in Post-Op.

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

"Yes?"

"Margaret, it's Hawkeye. Are you ok? You haven't been outside all day."

"Come in Hawkeye."

As Hawkeye walked in, he immediately felt the feel in the tent change to a very awkward situation. This had not happened since he and Margaret had become friends.

"Margaret, tell me what's wrong. I'll listen."

"Hawkeye, I know you'll listen, but I can't tell you this. I just can't. If I do, I'll be lost."

Hawkeye was very confused at this point. He didn't understand her at all.

"Why can't you tell me? I couldn't possibly make things worse."

"You can. By saying a few words you could ruin me. Can you just leave? I need to think."

When she saw that Hawkeye wasn't moving, she looked him in the eyes.

"Please Hawkeye. I just need to be alone now. I promise that I'll tell you sometime."

Hawkeye gave her a weak smile and left.

Margaret, as soon as Hawkeye closed her door, fell on her bed in disbelief. She definitely was in love, and she thought that Hawkeye could possibly feel the same. How could they be sure?

For the first year or so of the war, they'd hated each other. Actually, they barely knew each other. Their paths crossed, their mouths kissed when Hawkeye would dip her, but they really didn't know or understand each other.

Then the hut changed everything. They had spent the night together and had realised that they cared for each other. Hawkeye had made it clear that nothing could come of it though because of their differences.

However, as time passed, Margaret realised that they weren't all that different. She masked her feelings behind the military and procedure while Hawkeye did the same through jokes.

Then, the divorce had come, and no one had been more supportive than Hawkeye.

Not to mention Scully. When she had ended things with him, she realised that she couldn't get a custom fit man. Hawkeye was the most perfect, despite his imperfections.

Things had changed between them and she did not know what to do.

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So, any thoughts? Any good or bad comments? Please comment and tell me if I should continue this. 


	2. Chapter 2

Hi everyone. I'm sorry for not updating, but I recently found out some devastating news and I have been trying to cope with it. I hope this chapter is ok. Please review :-)

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Margaret, the very next day decided that she would do what she knew how to do best: ignore the situation and be a damn great nurse!

She had post-op duty and there was an excitement in the air. This was because the peace talks were showing some promise. At last. Every patient asked her if she had any news, but she had to say no. No one had called Colonel Potter about peace and there was nothing on the radio. No news at all.

As Margaret was making rounds, she approached Private Carter. He had a severely wounded leg that would take months to heal. He, however, was just happy that he hadn't lost it completely.

"You see, as a civilian I work as a trucker. I need to be able to drive and that means I need my leg. For now I can rent my truck out and make some form of living from the rent. I'll just get by but with my honourable discharge, I'll get the benefits I need."

Margaret couldn't help but smile at the young man's positive attitude to his own life, despite everything he had endured.

"Nurse, I have to get home anyway. I'm motivated because I'm in love."

"Really Private? Who's the lucky lady?" Margaret grinned.

"Her name is Amanda. She's wonderful. We met at her sister's birthday party and we talked for a whole night. I fell in love there and then."

"How did you know that you loved her?"

"Well, she has the most beautiful smile, and eyes and she just seems perfect. She's incredibly smart and funny. She's not a domestic type, but I don't want a typical housewife. I want a woman who, if she wants more out of her life and wants to work, I'll support her."

"Private, you sound like an incredibly understanding young man. Most men don't see things that clearly. As a nurse, you see, I've encountered men who want their wives to be at home even if they don't want to be there."

"Yes ma'am. I know men like that too. If you have a smart person beside you, doesn't life become more interesting?"

Margaret looked at this 20 year old man and smiled affectionately. "You are a very mature person for your age and time. Life is interesting if you have someone who's smart with you. Someone who has lived experiences that you love to hear about, even if they're painful to hear."

"Can I ask you something Major?"

"I guess, but aren't I meant to ask the questions as your nurse?"

Private Carter laughed.

"Yes ma'am. It's just that I've been around here for a few days and I've seen you around Captain Pierce. You should tell him, you know?"

"Tell him what Private?"

"Tell him that you love him."

Margaret almost choked on nothing. "What?"

"Look Major, I have this wonderful girl at home and I'm going to tell her how I feel cos she doesn't know. I might get rejected but it'll be worth it to take the risk. She's worth the risk."

"Private?"

"Yes?"

"Get some rest. You've had a long morning of giving advice."

"Ok Major."

As soon as Private Carter had fallen into a light sleep, Margaret moved on to the rest of the patients.

Before she knew it, her shift was over. She had just sat with Private Carter all afternoon after doing her job. Something about him made her want to listen to him, despite his young age.

She saw BJ leave post-op a few feet in front of her. "BJ… wait up."

"What's the matter Margaret?"

"Can we talk about something? I think I can trust you."

BJ smiled warmly at her. "Of course. Do you want to go to the mess tent for coffee? Well, what is supposedly coffee?"

Margaret smiled lightly. "Ok BJ, let's go… And BJ?"

"Mmmm?"

"Thanks."

"I haven't done anything yet, but you're welcome."

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Like it? Any comments? Please review… 


	3. Chapter 3

Hi everyone! Sorry for not updating but things have happened in my life that have prevented me from writing. I hope you like this :-)

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When BJ walked with Margaret to the Mess Tent, he noticed her nervous nature and was in turn very worried about her. She was to him a very good friend. The best female friend, aside from Peg, he had ever had. He didn't like seeing her like this.

When they sat down with cups of 'coffee', BJ spoke first.

"Margaret, are you ok? You look almost frightened."

Margaret tried to give him some comfort by smiling.

"BJ, I'm ok, really. I've just been struggling with something lately."

BJ, at first, was shocked. Margaret had never opened up to him that quickly. She only did that with… Hawkeye.

"So, Margaret, what's the problem exactly? Maybe I can help." He didn't want her to realise that he had figured out some of the problem, so he acted like he suspected nothing.

"Well… You see… I'm…" This was a Margaret BJ had never seen before.

"Margaret, is it something to do with Hawkeye?"

"Why would you think such a thing?!"

_That's it. _BJ thought. _She's closed down on me. I'll never get it out of her now_.

"Margaret, you said you wanted my help… Let me help. I know Hawkeye's involved because any problems you have you always confide in him first, not me."

BJ hadn't realised that Margaret had tears in her eyes, but then he did.

"Margaret, it's ok. I won't tell Hawk what you tell me. Think of me as something like Father Mulcahy – vows of silence."

Margaret, not sure what to do, looked into BJ's eyes and saw… genuine concern. He wouldn't tell.

"Ok Beej, here goes nothing. I think I'm in love with Hawkeye."

"And?"

"And what BJ? What else can I say?"

"Well you could say why you think you love him."

"It's three simple words really… He gets me."

"Do you want me to do anything?"

"Well, can you try to find out if he feels the same way? Don't be so direct as to say 'Margaret asked me to ask you' type thing."

"Margaret, would I be that dumb?"

"No, you wouldn't. Sorry BJ."

"It's ok. And you know what? I think he feels the same already, but for you, I'll find out for sure."

As Margaret got up from the table and walked towards the Mess Tent exit, she said, "How did Peg get so lucky?"

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So, I know it was short, but I'll write another one right away. 


	4. Chapter 4

Hi again! I'm back…

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As soon as BJ left the Mess Tent, he began his plan to get information out of his best friend in order to help his other friend. He could not disappoint Margaret and he could not watch Hawkeye deny his feelings any longer.

In the Swamp, BJ saw Hawkeye lying on his cot with a glass of gin. It was a usual sight and since no casualties were expected for a few days, he knew that there would be a lot more gin-drinking than usual.

"Hey Hawk, what are you up to?"

Hawkeye, realising he'd been talked to, looked over at his bunk-mate in a questioning way.

"Why so cheerful Beej? It's a war, we're meant to be depressed."

"I'm just happy because… I got a letter from Peg today… Hawk, do you ever wonder what it would be like for you to find your ideal woman?"

Hawkeye thought about this and then whispered "I already have" – BJ had heard though.

"What was that Hawkeye?"

"Oh, yeah, of course I've thought about it. I mean, finding a woman who will stand my faults, love me, have my kids… Yeah, I've thought about it. Why ask?"

"Well, do you think that of all the women you know, you might have found the future Mrs Pierce?"

"Maybe Beej… Why are you so curious?"

"Well, you've been a bit different the last few weeks and I thought that maybe a woman had something to do with it. It's like you're distant, but happy."

"What do you want me to say? I love someone?"

"If you do, I would hope you'd tell me."

Hawkeye looked at his friend's face and saw what he thought was concern and maybe… determination?

"Yeah, well, I guess you know me too well."

"So, who is it?"

"Don't laugh ok? It's Margaret."

BJ smiled and acted shocked. "You're kidding me!"

Hawkeye didn't catch on to his friend's acting. He was too involved in his own mind.

"No, not kidding. I love Margaret. There is no way that she loves me though!"

"How do you know Hawk?"

"She's Margaret! Upstanding Army nurse! She needs a man with stars on his shoulders or with brass higher than Major."

"Don't sell her short Hawk. Do you think she's that superficial?"

Hawkeye though for a few seconds before looking at BJ, "I guess maybe not. She has changed a lot. For example, Scully… He was an enlisted man and she dated him. Maybe she now sees more than brass."

"Hawk, I think you might be right. Are you gonna tell her?"

"Tell her what?" Hawkeye said trying to add humour to an uncomfortable situation.

"That you love her. You should at least try to tell her."

"You know what Beej? Despite danger to my life and limbs, I think I might tell her. Maybe today, maybe in a few weeks, but tell her I will."

As Hawkeye walked out of the Swamp, BJ smiled to himself and thought: _This is gonna be so great!_

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So, any comments? 


	5. Chapter 5

I'm so sorry for disappearing like I did. Life has been complicated lately. Had exams recently and there were other problems lurking around. Either I didn't have time to write or when I had time, I couldn't get inspired. I hope you forgive me and keep reading my stuff. Hope you enjoy :-)

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A few weeks had passed since Hawkeye's conversation with BJ in the Swamp and he still hadn't found the right moment to tell Margaret how he felt. He was, however, trying to read her feelings in the meantime.

Margaret had noticed a change in Hawkeye. It wasn't much, but it was something that she would notice. He had begun to not be so loud, he listened to her talk more than he talked and he was sometimes smiling to himself when he thought Margaret wasn't looking. She didn't quite understand what was happening, but she let it go.

_He'd tell me if something was different in his life, wouldn't he?_

One day, after 4 days of constant surgeries, and a few lost boys, Hawkeye walked over to Margaret's tent.

"Margaret, are you there?"

Margaret sat up from her bed while still wearing her bloodied surgical gown.

"Yeah Hawkeye, come in."

Hawkeye opened the door slowly, walked in, and locked the door behind him.

"Margaret, are you ok?"

Margaret looked up at Hawkeye and tried to give him a smile, but failed miserably.

"I'm ok. Just tired."

Hawkeye knew her too well and knew that there was more to it than that.

"Margaret, we couldn't have saved those boys, especially that baby-faced private."

Margaret swallowed hard.

"I know, but how can the Army let these _kids_ enlist? How can they let us be here?"

Hawkeye saw that Margaret was about to cry. She rarely did, but when she was about to, Hawkeye knew. He sat down next to her on her cot.

"Margaret… I know I can't say anything to make it easier, but I think you should be proud. You've helped save so many lives here."

Margaret looked up at Hawkeye. She was red and had a tear-stained face.

"You should listen to yourself sometimes too. Whenever I tell you that you say that that's not enough."

Hawkeye looked at Margaret directly in the eyes and said, "maybe I have just come to accept that what we do is all that we can do for now. We can't stop the war. We don't have that authority. However, we can save as many men as possible while we're here."

There was a moment of silence, then tension. Something that rarely arose from them.

"Margaret… I don't know if this is the best time to say this… Forget it… It's nothing."

Hawkeye was ranting and Margaret knew that that meant that he wanted to say something important but that he didn't have the guts to.

"Hawkeye. Start making sense. Tell me, ok? When are we going to have a better time her in Korea?"

Hawkeye smiled.

"Ok, here goes… I love you…"

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Comments? Is it any good? Please review. 


	6. Chapter 6

I think this will be the last chapter, but if you want, I'll write of their lives after they get to Maine. Let me know :-)

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BJ was outside Margaret's tent when Hawkeye told her how he felt. He was outside because he had wanted to talk to Margaret about Hawkeye in the first place. BJ heard everything; he hadn't meant to eavesdrop, but he couldn't help himself.

I can't believe it! Hawkeye actually told her and I didn't have to do anything… I didn't know he had it in him… Well, without some encouragement from me!

In the meantime, inside Margaret's tent…

"What? Did you just say what I think you said."

Hawkeye looked at Margaret and nodded.

"At the risk to my life and limbs, yes, yes I did. I love you. I have for some time but I just couldn't tell you."

"Why not? What's the worst that could have happened?"

Hawkeye gave Margaret a weak smile.

"You could've never talked to me again. Even though I want more from us than just friendship, I didn't want to lose that too."

Margaret smiled.

"You never would've lost my friendship. We've been through too much here to get angry over something like feelings. I would've have understood. But, why tell me this now then? What gave you the guts to do this?"

Hawkeye stood up and paced around Margaret's tent.

"I think it was seeing those soldiers we lost. I saw that they would never have the chance to have love for the rest of their lives and that I could. I am lucky, Margaret, lucky that I have this chance with you. Those men… those kids… will never have the chance to tell other girls that they love them or have the chance to even be rejected by them. I guess I had to tell you, even if you do reject me."

Margaret smiled and got up from the cot. She walked up to Hawkeye and put her hand on his shoulder.

"Stop pacing, ok? Have I run away? Have I left you here alone? No… I haven't because I… love you too."

With that, Hawkeye looked at Margaret and for the first time he saw ALL of Margaret, Every inch of her personality and he loved it. She was perfect.

Then came the dreaded "but"…

"But Hawkeye. Even though I love you too, maybe we shouldn't start anything here in Korea. When we get home?"

Margaret hoped he'd understand.

Hawkeye smiled.

"I think back home would be perfect. We can start off in a beautiful place back home where there's no war and where we can have a normal relationship. Maybe you could come back to Maine with me?"

Margaret pretended to contemplate this offer.

"Well… since I don't have a hometown and you do, I think it would be a… great idea!"

At that moment, for the first time in their lives, but not the last, they kissed. The kiss was filled with promises and hope for the future.

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Please review. It's the little button below :-) 


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